Learning from Mother Teresa

By David Heim

“She lived the joy she could not feel.” That’s the profile of Mother Teresa that emerges from recently published private letters (see also the Century editorial "Dark Nights"). They reveal that she felt profoundly cut off from God through most of the years that she pursued her celebrated missionary work among the poorest of the poor.

The writings assembled by Brian Kolodiejchuk, the editor of Come Be My Light, show that Mother Teresa made good use of confessors and spiritual advisers. These priests wisely encouraged her to give voice to her inner pain. (One confessor directed her to write a letter to Jesus, telling him about her doubts and her suffering.) She had no hesitation in crying out to God about the trials of her inner life. For her, as for the ancient psalmist, lament to God was a form of solidarity with God—a way of remaining in relationship with God through pain and longing.

Her apparent ability to radiate serenity and joy to others through this ordeal reminds me of the story about the young monk who was convinced that he was totally unsuited to his vocation. He took no joy in monastic life—he bristled under the abbot’s directions and was irritated by his brother monks’ many flaws. Only with the utmost effort could he still his wrath, accept a humble task, or speak an encouraging word. He struggled with his vocation for years. After several arduous decades in the monastery, he was elected abbot—because of serene and generous spirit.

Through years of inner wrestling, the monk had become the person that he had vowed to be. And yet it never really felt that way on the inside. The grace of a disciplined life was his—amid the darkness. How many saints live like this?

Comments

[Suzanne Vance]

I was truly amazed to learn of Mother Teresa's unabating struggle with her faith. I was also humbled to realize that one I admired so deeply struggled with the basics! Was she any less loved by God for her doubting? Is her legacy any less powerful and lasting as a result of her vulnerability? I don't believe so. The revelation of her vulnerable self serves to remind us all of our unending need of God's limitless grace.

[glocamcam]

Having known about Mother Teresa's dark nights made me believe more about her character and passion for serving our Christ. She has become all the more an inspiration to me . I thank God for her.

[Johnny Mingus]

I remember hearing this story several years ago. I actually found it comforting. I was less alone in my experience. While others speak of the presence of God as something ordinary and common I have found it to be extraordinary, uncommon and profound. What I have found in my faith is a vision and a hope that I am responsible for living.

[chaignon]

I dunno, I understand what it means to feel like heaven is shut and your prayers are bouncing off the ceiling, but to feel "profoundly cut off" from the Lord through "most of the years" that I feel I was doing His will would make me wonder where I'd veered off. I firmly believe the Spirit withdraws from us to get our attention to something that's going on within us, some error, some problem within our hearts, motives, whathaveyou.